Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
