? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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