Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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