At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My cat gives me a boner
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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