I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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