dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
