Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
