meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
