Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
