dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
