Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
