I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
