he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
