I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
