you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
