Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
