Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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