If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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