maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
