end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Even my vagina gasped.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
