Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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