my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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