Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
