There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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