I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
