Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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