So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just puked most of my soul out..
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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