im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
