jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
