looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
