i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
