You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
