I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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