Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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