sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
