I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
