Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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