I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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