I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
