He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
