final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
