nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
