i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
