Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
