Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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