I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
