i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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