Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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