She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize