How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
