32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
