Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
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Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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