Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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