No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
