I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
