yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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