is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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