make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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