I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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