Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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