I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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