When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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