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So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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